at the cemetery

at the cemetery
Originally uploaded by ex posto facto.

Drake and I had some good time together yesterday. I know some people might think it's inconsiderate and inappropriate to have a baby at the cemetery, but taking Drake with me to visit Jeff's grave was better for me. Jeff would have been 24 last week and his birthday prompted my visit. His gravestone is still there, the words still tug at my heart (IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER and those awful, final dates) but the place seemed empty to me, even though it was busier than it's been the last several times I've gone there. When Jeff first died, it seemed that he was there with me when I visited. Not so much now. Also, Drake is a distraction that keeps me from focusing on my sadness and getting all wrapped up in it again. I think this is a good thing. Not that I didn't feel it at all. I cried a little when I told Drake a few things about the uncle he'll never meet. He wasn't very interested in my conversation (no surprise) and very interested in the trees, flowers and birds that were everywhere. We wandered a few lovely paths by the stream (not kid friendly, so I held his hand to be sure he didn't wander over the edge of the path into the water he was so fascinated in. He DID NOT LIKE HOLDING HANDS!) I carried him a lot. The kid is HEAVY! He's also getting to be a ham when he sees the camera come out! He wants to hold the camera and he thinks it would be a good idea to put it in his mouth. Holding is ok, but I was leery of how much drool the little Kodak could take. He likes to argue. Sigh... He'll be a natural at the terrible twos.